Desperation

The only thing I did right was to become desperate. It didn’t seem to matter what my actions had been, as long as I admitted my neediness. My own lack of confidence and self-worth enabled me to feel the pain of emptiness that brought my surrender. Utter and complete dependence was and still is a very good thing. I will cry out to God most high, to God who performs all things for me. That verse in Psalm 55 became my motto. He did what I could not do; He changed my desire.  He brought hope.Once I decided to give sobriety an honest attempt, there were few consequences for me. Pride was the major obstacle. But even humiliation seemed to pale quickly. At first I blamed that on my lack of reality. But I see now that when the grace of God is at work, even self- consciousness decreases. Instead of always centering on ME, things actually began to center around gratefulness. I had another chance to live without condemnation. I was relieved of guilt and shame but I had to learn to believe it.   I was traded, old for new. 

Help me!