Memories come back for a reason. I used to dismiss them if they were sad or traumatic, but they would keep returning. For me it seems that reoccurring memories are usually tied to a belief that I hold to that is either false, fearful, or unresolved. The feeling I get as I remember the incident sheds light on what I have come to believe because of the experience. I have processed a number of traumatic memories over the past several years. I find that I am gaining freedom from irrational fears, trauma, and shame.
I recently re-experienced a childhood memory that was causing
me to have false expectations about my life today.
The memory was an explosion of a gas camping lantern. This
explosion traumatized me as a 10-year-old child when I was camping with my
family. I have expected gas powered equipment to explode ever since that occurrence.
I have believed that I won’t be safe. More importantly, I haven’t
trusted those near me to operate certain kinds of equipment. I have even believed
that God won’t keep me safe. As I felt the fearful memory, I prayed that
God would enable me to see it now in a clear light. And He did. I don’t know how He did, but He did. There was no
voice or vision or even a feeling. But something changed. All I know is I no
longer feel fearful of gas or fire. Of course, I have a healthy respect for
safety, but I no longer regularly expect that I won’t be safe. I no longer believe
that God or those I love won’t protect me from danger.
As I write this blog, it now seems silly to me that I felt that way all these years. I’m so blessed that God is ever present and always working in my life.
