What is happening? It’s not working
anymore. Alcohol used to give me the perfect buzz. I used
to feel peaceful and confident. Now I
blackout and don’t remember. I only remember anger. I come to and find myself sleeping
on the floor with the dog or playing my horn at two in the morning, or making
hysterical phone calls. Why can’t it be like it was before? I can’t control it. It’s controlling me. Everyone
is finding out that I’m an alcoholic but I think I’m beyond caring. I will
never give up drinking. Now that the word is out, what do I have to lose? I will keep drinking because I don’t ever
want to stop. I will keep drinking because it is impossible to stop even if I
wanted to. I’m no longer afraid to die.