Realizing
that God accepts me unconditionally has helped me turn from the obsession of
what others think. All of the things I
did when I was drunk, including the very action of being drunk itself, is
nonexistent as far as He is concerned.
Who am I to say that is not true?
When I remember my drinking years, I sometimes still feel ashamed and guilty. When
God looks at those years, he no longer sees the condemning actions. He sees a new person. His desire is that I
heal from the wounds that kept me drinking. His desire is for me to allow Him
to wipe away the sadness and the hurt. His desire is that I experience joy instead
of sorrows.
Knowing how
he sees me has helped me change my view of myself. I am not condemned. I am
accepted. I am not guilty. I am free. He paid for my debt and my
punishment. My prison sentence and condemnation
are cancelled. God wants me to join in
with joy and fully receive the total payment that He made. When I live as
though I am still guilty, I am behaving as though He did nothing. It is as though I am voiding His provision, and
instead choosing to remain burdened with my own past of shame. I
cheapen what Jesus did on the cross when I behave as if His suffering is not
enough to pay for my years of alcoholism. There are no limits to His
forgiveness. Forgiveness is for yesterday, today and the future. His forgiveness is a continuous thing that
goes on forever. Nothing is too big or too evil for God’s redemption. He knew what I was going to do before I ever
did it. That is the truth. Will I
believe and receive it?
He offers
peace, joy, forgiveness, and unconditional love. Will I accept it or will I
live like it means nothing?
I was
ill. I was not evil. I was emotionally
absent. I was not rebellious. I was
wounded. I was not ungrateful. I was blinded by pain. I was not purposely
deceitful. These are not excuses. These are merciful truths I never saw before.
God loves
the broken. God loves the humiliated and the shamed. He turns it all around.
