Surrender is spiritual. Giving up my own way was not possible
without Gods help. It was my will that
made the choice so difficult when I asked for help getting sober. It hurt to let go of the control. Finally, I
had to say, God I’m not
willing. Please make me willing. I give You permission to make me
willing. I can’t change my own desires,
but You can. That is the miracle of sobriety. That is the miracle of the Spirit realm;
People can change. I could
change. I could surrender my will because of God’s goodness. His will is
goodness.
I realized that it was all spiritual. I had been surrendering to evil all
along. Addiction is the enemy’s way of
killing us and making us spiritually unaware. I had changed for the bad under
the influence of evil. Why not switch and surrender to God instead? It was very difficult because addiction was
ingrained. Behaviors were trained and habitual.
Being owned by alcohol had felt good. But whispering was my small act of
submission. I had to get help to say even the first small word of whispering.
The incremental step of saying, Help! unlocked
my heart.
I still use the prayer, Help!
Help me God! I still use it several
times a day - even now that I’ve been
sober for a while… sometimes many times a day. It is an action of will to
be willing to get my will changed.
All the things that seemed to be in the way of getting sober
had to do with surrender of my will. Blaming others was my choice. Believing that I was a constant victim of my past
was my choice. Holding onto resentments was also my stubborn choice. Belief
about God being partial to others? That was my choice too. Procrastination of sobriety and waiting for next year while my blood
alcohol level rose to dangerous levels was my willful choice. I was surrendering, but it was to evil that I
was surrendering.
It took years for me to surrender to good. I hope it doesn’t
take that long for you.
