Could it be that I got complacent because of goodness? Did I
get bored with comfort and blessings?
I had a great Life! So what happened? It might be that I was already turning
away from God before I ever started looking for relief. Drinking may have had more
to do with spiritual apathy than of mounting anxieties. It might be that I
longed for approval of people more than of God. Why was the numbness so necessary?
And why am I so obsessed with figuring this out? These are hard questions
because I can’t re-do any part of my life. I can’t replay the disaster, seeking
a different outcome.
The enemy looks
for opportunities to side track us.
Pride, complacency, and self-seeking were doors that I had unknowingly
opened. Painful memories were begging
for escape. I did not recognize that there were other solutions instead of
alcohol. It quickly became too late to see anything.
I think about these things now because I hope to avoid another
fall into the wasteland known as, “pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization.” Quoted text is from the Big Book of
Alcoholics Anonymous.
