Oh well, I tried
is something I have said most of my life. I don’t know when or where I started
to use that phrase but it always was said with resignation that meant I give up. What I did was not enough. I
was not at the level of acceptance. It was fail
and never pass. I am starting to learn
that trying is both simple and good. It is the expectation of independence that
is bad. The expectation that I can do it all without input or help is the
problem. The expectation of perfection is also wrong. God does want me to try
though. He is not going to do the work for
me, but He will do it through me. If I do
nothing, God is limited. If I do something, He is limitless.
What started these thoughts is that the summer months flew
by and yesterday I said, Oh well, I tried.
I meant that I didn’t live up to any of the ideas of what I thought I would do
this summer. I had pictured myself being a wonderful blessing and doing amazing
fun and unique things with grandkids, family, and friends. The expectation was perfection and independence. Then I realized that the things I did were
blessed by God, if I had included Him at all. The times I asked for his help
and opinion, I had fun and so did those I was with. I felt the spark of wow, this is cool. If I forgot to
include God in my plans, or did it my way, I didn’t notice the blessing and
goodness in the events. And it’s not about the feelings either. Often I look
back later and see God’s hand when I could not see or feel it at the moment.
Maybe playing Kick the Can was meaningful
even though all the other plans for the day got messed up. It was good because God was there and He was
included. He made me care and He made me notice. God notices everything and
helps me see what is important. What is important seems to change when God is
included.
Addictive thinking
taught me to move fast, do big, and expect a lot. Sobriety
teaches wait, look, listen, see, hear. So now maybe I will not say Oh well, I tried
but Oh well, it turned out better than I thought.
Eternal things often become apparent later.
In Your book they all were written,
the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them. Ps. 139: 16
