There are some parts of life that were so much easier to get
through as a drunk. Waiting for things to take place that were out of my
control was always a time to get drunk and stay drunk. It was impossible to
wait for answers in a sober state. I just drank and forgot about it all until
the outcome appeared. Then I would rage and complain about the results.
In sobriety I have attempted, though poorly, to learn
patience when circumstances require waiting. Waiting is especially difficult when I am
expecting a desired outcome and the actions of other people affect that outcome.
I tend to feel trapped. Waiting for
medical personal to give a diagnosis can be very stressful because there is
absolutely nothing I can do to speed the process along. I am kept guessing
while imagining all kinds of scenarios. Waiting for jobs, checks in the mail,
or business transactions keeps me counting days, hours, minutes. All the while
I’m playing the ignoring game and losing badly. You don’t ever want to be
around me when I’m waiting for the weather to clear up so that I can carry out
my important plans. Waiting for God to give me something constructive to do while
I’m waiting is something I do, but don’t recommend, because He usually doesn’t
come through when I have expectations regarding my own abilities.
Is there something else I can do while waiting?
What about praying?
Prayer is really more than a last ditch effort or that final
thing on the list to try. I can pray for those who are making the decisions. I
can pray for my family while I wait for the diagnosis. I can pray for myself to
get a clue. I can pray for circumstances to change and line up with God’s time
line and will. I can pray for conversations to happen and communication to open
up. I can pray for opportunities to help those who are in need around me. I can
pray for faith for all of us involved….
… I can always pray The Serenity Prayer…
God grant me the
serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things
I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
