It seems to me that drunks are naturally oblivious about
what others think of them. Drunks are seemingly
without pride when it comes to of the opinions of others. However, there was
plenty of self- serving pride operating while I drank. I would lay awake at night and worry about
what others thought of me. Pride was a
major motivation for all I did.
I never understood Poor in Spirit but I’m starting to
now. It doesn’t mean spiritually low or
spiritually inferior, but it means poor in the spirit
of self, but rich in
God’s Spirit. I believe Poor in Spirit
means that there is low interest in worldly priorities and a high desire to
know God’s heart .
Interestingly, I think I had more ability to be poor in
spirit while I was drinking. I was needy
for help and needy for God. I thought of
the needs of others because I didn’t want to think about my own problems. Staying needy is an important thing in sobriety but it’s easy for me to forget that. I tend to mistakenly believe I can stay
healthy on my own now that I’m no longer frantic in withdrawal. I think I can put off getting help because I
am self-aware now.
So it’s back to basics now. I’m looking at my NEED for God.
Do I have NEED for God’s care and constant direction, or can I do it myself? Do I have NEED for the help of others, or do I
prefer my own expertise?
How do I get NEEDY?
The answer, I believe, is to ASK. Ask God to show me how to stay needy
for Him and others. Only through God’s
Spirit will I develop awareness of His heart of compassion. Only
through God’s Spirit will I want what He wants; laying down selfish desires.
I’m asking for a miracle. I will report back later.
