Every now and then I think,
“ It’s so unfair that
I’m an alcoholic. I have to work at recovery, work at keeping myself emotionally
strong and healthy. Work, work, work. What
on earth do I really gain by staying sober? Is this grace?”
The truth I have to keep in front of me now is that I can take
nothing for granted. I have been given a second chance at life and I have been
given a new perspective.
Here are just a few
of the good things I have now in sobriety:
I
don’t awaken with dread and fear. The morning is hopeful and beautiful.
I am not
ashamed. I have courage.
Friends and family want to spend time with me.
My mom is
delightful.
I can find my
car – usually.
I don’t fear
getting caught in lies and cover-ups. I am honest.
Hurting is okay
sometimes. I don’t need to escape.
I see the police
as helpful servants instead of as a punitive possibility.
I know what I did
yesterday.
I can hear God.
I can hear my grandkids hearts.
I am not
exhausted. I am not worried.
I can read a
book and remember what happened in the previous pages.
My skin isn’t
yellow. My liver doesn’t hurt. My hair isn’t falling out.
I can wear high
heels, or any shoes, without falling over.
There is money
in my bank account and I know what I spend it on.
I don’t blame God
or my spouse anymore when things don’t go my way.
I have choices
now, endless choices.
I care about myself.
Feelings are
helpful, but not always indicative of the truth.
This is a tiny sample of the many
things I notice each day.
MAY I NEVER FORGET.
