Unforgiveness is
technically not a word. When I type it, I find a red line underneath. I just
need to realize that is how the world today operates; “Don’t even consider that unforgiveness
might be real”.
It
doesn’t exist. It’s not important.
Just
forget about it. It’s all her fault.
I’m blaming her for everything.
I’m
right. He’s wrong. Hmmm.
Unforgiveness is
easily overlooked. When I hold a grudge, I am on the slippery slope. The
slippery slope quickly slides down to resentment, bitterness, hate, followed by
blame, accusation, and vengeance. The accuser of the brethren is Satan. Do I
want to follow him?
It is a downward spiral
that must be stopped early. We alcoholics cannot afford any unforgiveness. We
are told this constantly by those who mentor us in AA or NA. Our brains respond
to unforgiveness by wanting to escape the discomfort and the imaginations that
replay the incident that caused the unforgiveness. If I or a loved one is wronged,
there may be just cause for blame and even accusation. However, once I start
listing and rehearsing their many faults and hurtful actions, I am off the path
of maintaining that daily walk of loving. I am on the slippery slope of grudge-holding,
which is unforgiveness. When I find myself thinking “But they…..” I know I am making an excuse to harbor the
unforgiveness.
Can I do this myself? No. Not ever. It is only God who gives
the ability to turn my feelings and will over to Him. He alone helps me see how
to move forward in love and forgiveness, despite injustice. I do not have to
trust the one who caused pain, and I do not have to spend extra time or energy
with that one. God will help me to turn the situation over to Him, for He alone
is Vindicator. These are hard things to remember and to put into action. It is
far easier to develop an “I’m right and he is wrong” mentality. Though that may
even be true, I become “the guilty one” when I choose to stay in unforgivness.
I do not usually feel like forgiving when I am wronged. It is okay with God
that I don’t feel loving. The
important thing is that I am honest with God. The important thing is that I admit
that I do not want to forgive and that I am feeling vengeful, hateful. God will
give me increments of change. He will bring light and truth. He will cause me
to let Him bring understanding, hope for justice, and forgiveness. Forgiveness.
Now that’s a word.
