What if I weren’t an alcoholic? Would my life be the same now? No, Definitely
not. Maybe I
would still have the same family, job, home that I had before the drinking. But
would I have had self-esteem and success if I hadn’t been alcoholic? Would I have different friends or interests? Would I have found other strengths and
abilities to pursue? I always wanted to try sky diving.
The real question for
me is, would I have come to understand
God’s love and acceptance so deeply if I
hadn’t become alcoholic? How could I
have found out how much he forgives if I hadn’t needed such an amount of
forgiveness? It certainly wouldn’t be the same. I have been desperate and with that desperation
I felt the great mercy and acceptance from my heavenly Father. He also moved
upon my family and friends who showed me great forgiveness and love. I had lost my way. I behaved like The Town Drunk. When you go low in
humiliation, you find out how much you are loved. God remained completely
faithful. He even became more compassionate. I have said before that it seemed
that God came after me. It seemed that he chased me down. He wanted me to know
that I was loved no matter what. He
wanted me to know He would not leave me. Ever.
How could I possibly have come to know this kindness so deeply if I hadn’t done
so much damage to others and even to the name of Christ? The only conclusion I can come to is that I
am grateful that I am an alcoholic. I am grateful that I went to the bottom of
the barrel so I could feel the love and care of my Father in Heaven and His
Son. If I could see my life without the alcoholism, I believe that I would
choose this life. The depths of God cannot be found in a life of ease. I had to
see what it was like to lose myself and then be found again by Him. That took a
total of 20 plus years - and still counting. That is my overwhelming
conclusion. I’ll never know for sure what my life would have been like without
the alcoholism, but I am deeply grateful for the outcome. I'm still alive to try the sky diving.
