As an alcoholic, I still have to fight against the drive to
numb myself. Numbing means that I find alternatives for feeling. Part of that
numbing is to simply avoid things. I love my alarm snooze button. I put off
anything uncomfortable. I’ll do it later.
Another time. I just don’t want to think about that or feel that right now.
I always knew that I did this, but lately I realized that I do this with
important things, like prayer, or talking to my mother, or calling someone from
AA.
Alcohol used to be the way out. I could do anything if I was
drunk or even partly drunk. My inhibitions would leave, and I had what I believed
was confidence, courage.
I’ve decided I’m going to try an AA solution; staying
in the day is a favorite AA solution. Staying in the hour or
staying in the minute is what we try and do when things are difficult. So
I’ve decided to try and stay in the
minute when I feel like avoiding something. I am asking for God’s help to
keep my focus on the task that I’m tempted to avoid. It’s kind of like
exercising. I have to finish the 30 minutes even though I want to stop early. I will attempt to keep focused on the difficulty
I’m avoiding – the resentment, the phone call, or the unpleasant conversation until
I either deal with it or I come to a conclusion with a plan. This sounds a
little silly right now as I talk it through, but I think this solution may help.
All I need is a little discipline, creative planning, time, and prayer to do
this.
I have to remember that recovery in sobriety is a slow work
of progress and it’s also a process. Sometimes we feel like we are going
backwards before we move forward again. That’s why we say, It takes what it takes.
