I often turned to God when I was hurting from a hangover and
asked for His help. Please God, get
me out of this. Help me feel better. I’ll give up drinking. As soon as I was feeling a little better, I
was off to the liquor store again. I wonder how many times I promised God I
would get my life right and serve Him, but then I turned back to my selfish
ways. The craving won again. The evil lure of addiction was easier and paid
immediate happiness. I didn’t want to serve God. I wanted escape. I wanted
numbness.
I must be slow, but I still that sometimes. I surrender to
God in my difficulty, only to go back to my selfish ways when it looks like
things will be okay. It’s easier to pray when I hurt and to forget about God
when I feel good. I call this the drinking heart. Drink, get freedom,
hurt, cry out to God, feel better, drink again. That’s the pattern. Even though
I no longer drink, I am not someone God can yet count on. I am someone who
cowers when the going requires courage, someone who wants to feel good all the
time, someone who wants the easier way.
Thanks, Father God, for your patience with me. You are
gradually pulling me out of the self-centered heap of immediate relief. You are enabling me to become someone you can
count on - even when things are uncomfortable or painful. Thanks for motivating
me to sing when I’m sad. Thanks for helping me think of others. Thanks for taking away the desire to follow the
drinking heart.