Expectations were the fuel for my drinking. When people didn’t meet my expectations, I had an excuse to drink. Blaming others for my addiction became an ingrained pattern. If he would mind his own business and quit treating me like a kid, I might be able to quit drinking… If she didn’t favor my brother every time, I might be able to quit drinking… If my boss would be fair, I might be able to quit drinking. Even though many of my expectations were simply for fair treatment, it was my need to defend my bad behaviors that drove me. My motivation to drink was based on the failure of others. It was hypocrisy.
Even years after staying sober, I see that this pattern is
still with me. I would treat him with respect if he would be nice.
When I look at the life of Jesus, I am dumbfounded. He
didn’t seem to have expectations. He modeled perfect love. And yet others
around him were stuck in selfishness. He modeled submission for the high
calling of paying the price on behalf of an evil world. He ignored His own
comfort to enable ours. He was personally assaulted and shamed in the very
worst ways. He did not take up vengeance. He did not play the self-defense card.
He did not blame people. His motivation was to bring others to light and truth.
He labeled evil. He called out hatred. But He never threw stones. Unconditional
love puts the needs of the other first.
I have much to think about.
