When I find myself anxious or fearful about a situation, I usually condemn myself for lack of faith. If I could just believe, maybe bad things wouldn’t be happening. Often the very thing I was worried about does happen. I realize now that it’s these fear-inducing times that increase my faith. Why? Because I get to watch what God does. He takes the situation and makes it do-able. He helps me find solutions. He provides resources. Sometimes He just removes the turmoil and gives peace to get through it. Hope starts to come. Fear lessens. Before I know it, the situation is over and I am amazed at how God brought me through it.
One of the hardest trials I went through was the day I went
to rehab for alcoholism. It was the worst day of my life up until then. I was scared, hopeless, alone, and hysterical.
God brought people I’d never met before
to show me His love – people who were hopeless addicts – people who didn’t even
know God. I didn’t know what I needed, but they did.
Another difficult time was when we were a very young family.
We couldn’t pay all our bills. Since we
had no money to fill the oil tank for our furnace, we prayed hard. It was
winter, but the oil tank stayed full for several weeks! No question that was a
miracle.
A third and very different trial was when my sister was
terminally ill and passed away. Though it was a dreadful time, God brought
assurance and peace. He spoke often and shared His heart of mercy and comfort
with me and my family. Did He change the horrible circumstance? No. But He
answered. He brought the inner change in
me that was needed.
In all these trials, my faith grew because God proved faithful
– though not in the ways I expected or hoped. God continuously lets me know that He sees
all, He knows all, and He’s always working – even when I think He’s not.
