My teacher many years ago used to say “Now get some backbone”. I thought of her quote the other day. What did she mean? I’m sure she meant that we should have perseverance and fortitude to keep going even when things were difficult. She probably also meant that we would need courage. For me courage is to move forward even in fear. It’s a position of faith where we choose to look at the Lord and keep going. It means ignoring other feelings. I certainly didn’t have any of these qualities when I was in grade school.
A life of recovery
gives us all of these. But even with these qualities something seems to be
missing. It’s Love. A complete life has love. What I’m finally learning about
is love. I’m learning to move past feelings and love others even if I don’t
feel like it. That’s a miracle for me who was so stuck on me this would never
have been possible. But the major part of love that I’m just starting to learn
about is that God loves me. All my life I’ve wondered how others could know
they are loved by God. Ministers tell us God loves us. The Bible tells us God
loves us. Friends and family tell us they love us and God loves us... but I
never felt loved.
I realize that being told to have a backbone meant nothing
to me because I didn’t feel loved. What would I do with a backbone of
courage if I didn’t feel loved? My teacher should’ve said “Now get some
love”. Without the assurance of being loved, there is nothing to persevere for,
nothing to hope for, nothing to have faith for. Perseverance, courage, and faith are good traits
to seek, but by themselves they don’t mean much.
Working hard to earn God’s approval doesn’t help me to know He
loves me. Getting a backbone, and doing good works feels good, but that doesn’t
help me know I’m loved.
That’s because God’s love is a free gift. I’ve stopped trying to earn His love. It’s just there. God’s love is something I can
know and even feel, but it has nothing to do with working hard. It’s
about receiving.
Now maybe I can get some real backbone. Now I have a reason
to have a backbone. A backbone is made of love.
